AMA - You Ask, Bethany Answers!
Hey, all!
We’re back to AMA Tuesday where I answer all your burning questions, or try to, anyway. Haha. Sometimes I get rambling, and you know.
All right, so do you have a question for me?
Great.
Drop about in HERE.
Now, onto the questions for the week.
*
1. HOW IS CATCAT?!
LOL, I like how this question was put in with all caps. I can literally hear your shouting that at me, just for the record. No, I kid, mostly.
So for those who don’t follow me on Instagram because I’m not actually sure if I shared it anywhere else … a couple weeks ago, CatCat, my beloved cat who I have had since before my second son was born, came home with a bad injury on his head. And by bad, I mean … half of the hide on his head was basically dead, and they actually had to take it off during surgery because the skin was not alive and would not actually heal.
So they cut him down his cheek, and up to his ear, and all the way down into his eyelid, stretched the skin as much as they could to have it cover as much of the injury as possible, and stitched it like a triangle. Problem was, he had so much swelling and infection and fluid that they had to leave like a stoma … and we had to drain his head three times a day, clean out any scabs that formed, etc.
It was gross, and bad.
But we love him, like people do with their pets, so we did what we had to do. It was a week of trips to the vet every other day and finally, he could get his stitches out, we could let the stoma finally scab over, but he still had to wear his cone of shame for another 3 weeks until all the scabs healed entirely as to make sure he didn't rip it open.
So he is doing okay. He’s back to his normal self, and his eye is stretched back further than normal because of how they had to operate and use what skin they had access to, but he’s still my boy.
We’re not sure what attacked him – we think it might have been a hawk or eagle just based on the injuries and the fact we had an eagle stalking the property all summer, but who knows. It could have been anything.
2. To someone who is writing a debut book and does not have much to invest in editing/proofreading/marketing, what list of steps would you suggest in order to self-publish the book?
Ugh, ok, this is not such an easy question to answer being someone who … is lucky enough to be able to afford these types of things now. Um, because I really don’t know the answer. When I was a new author who couldn’t afford editing or marketing and covers … I basically put out lightly edited books (a friend did the editing for me) and did my own covers (which were horrible). I didn’t market except to post on my fan page and Goodreads.
Like I didn’t even start doing blog tours until I was into the Marcello books, really.
So even my answer for what I did isn’t the right answer – because there isn’t a right answer here. If your book is badly edited, some readers won’t mind … others will say that’s a hard line for them. If your cover isn’t professional, well, it’s often the first thing someone sees for your book. If you’re not marketing to get the book out there in front of people’s eyes, then how is someone going to see it to buy it, you know?
That’s what I mean by this is not easy to answer, and I honestly wish I knew what to tell you, but I don’t. I mean, contact your reader friends, and your author friends. Ask them if they will share your book – ask if they have a slot open in a newsletter to put your book in it. Ask if they would like a copy to read and review, if they like it. That’s word of mouth – that’s the best you can do for marketing if you don’t have any cash to drop on that sort of thing.
As for editing and proofing because those are not interchangeable, they are two entirely different things … a lot of people say to swap if you can’t afford it. To ask someone who you know is good with editing to edit your book, and in return, you do something for them.
Listen, I can’t say to do that.
I won’t, actually. Because I have never done it, and I can’t see myself doing it. But if that’s something you want to do, then that’s an option for you.
I hope I gave you some ideas. Sorry I don’t have more.
3. Are you and London Miller really best friends IRL like online too?
Ha, hi there.
So for the record, when I saw this question drop into the form, I actually sent it to London so she could see it, too.
For anyone who doesn’t know/realize, IRL means In Real Life … and the answer is yes, London and I are best friends, online and IRL. While we haven’t actually had the chance to meet yet in person (May is coming soon, London) we chat all day, every day. All night, usually, too. I annoy the fuck out of her with like thirty messages of just one or two words and the occasional emoji.
I know when she’s going thru shit – she knows when I’m ready to rip someone’s face off. We relate to each other on a professional level, and have a lot of respect for each other as artists. And as women, though we look like very opposite people on the surface, we have more in common than anyone knows. Which is probably why we took to one another.
That’s not to say we haven’t had our moments – we have. And we’re still good.
Like, find your tribe, people. That’s all I can say. And sometimes, your tribe might be a few people, sometimes it might be one person.
London is like the leader of my tribe, so to speak. She’s there – if there’s something I need, or if I need to talk about things I wouldn’t even tell my husband for whatever reason, she’s who I am going to.
So yeah, what you see if what you get.
You know if I like someone.
You’ll also know if I don’t like someone.
4. Non-author question: What's your favorite part about being a mother?
Oh, wow.
Hi there.
Um, the moments? Like, just the moments of their lives where I am actually right there and present and I KNOW that this is a pivotal moment for either them or me. Like my baby – he’s just at this stage where he’s almost walking as I’m writing this. Soon, he’s going to take those steps. He will be the last baby I ever have. He will be my last baby to walk for the first time. And that moment is big for him, but also for me emotionally.
Another one where I mean a MOMENT – would be like the day that I turned around and looked at my oldest son, Rohan, and realized … he no longer had dimples in his knuckles. He’d lost all that baby fat, and I didn’t even see it happening. He got taller. His fingers became longer. And I was staring at this soon to be a young man, still a boy, but not quite a child anymore, if you get what I mean.
And those moments … they’re like a second for me to think, oh, wow, look at what you did. Look at what you made, you know what I mean?
So yeah, those are my favorite parts of being a mom. Because as much as they sometimes hurt me emotionally, I also love them.
5. I'm in awe of people who can do something crazy to their hair like dye it a bright color or cut it all off after its been really long since forever. I'm scared to do that. Why did you do it to yours?
Aha, I love this question. Thanks for shooting it my way.
So, I was never actually one of those people. I kind of stuck to long hair and a dark brown or sometimes an ash blonde. Those were like my safe routes kind of thing, and I knew it would look good regardless. And then I passed like 25 years old a couple years back, and for some reason, it just didn’t interest me anymore.
And now when I feel like I’m just not up to it – something isn’t right, my life, my face, the sky … like I get in a mood, and when I say mood, I mean this is a WHOLE MOOD for me sometimes where nothing is feeling right to me. And when I feel that way, I usually do something crazy to upset my balance entirely.
The first time, I cut my hair off entirely to a pixie style. I hated it. My hubby hated it. I waited 3 years for it to grow back out.
And then when I felt like that again – I just … dyed it blue.
LOL.
I mean, this might not make sense to someone else, and that’s totally okay. You can be looking at this right now like “are you crazy?” I understand.
Because that’s how I feel in these moments.
Like nothing is right, so what does it even matter. When I need a change, I look in the mirror first and start there. That’s good advice for a lot of shit, by the way … you can’t change people or things a lot of the time, but you can always change the person you’re looking at in the mirror. Always start with yourself, and it doesn’t have to be physical. It can be a mental thing.
So yeah, that’s why I dyed my hair blue.
We’re back to AMA Tuesday where I answer all your burning questions, or try to, anyway. Haha. Sometimes I get rambling, and you know.
All right, so do you have a question for me?
Great.
Drop about in HERE.
Now, onto the questions for the week.
*
1. HOW IS CATCAT?!
LOL, I like how this question was put in with all caps. I can literally hear your shouting that at me, just for the record. No, I kid, mostly.
So for those who don’t follow me on Instagram because I’m not actually sure if I shared it anywhere else … a couple weeks ago, CatCat, my beloved cat who I have had since before my second son was born, came home with a bad injury on his head. And by bad, I mean … half of the hide on his head was basically dead, and they actually had to take it off during surgery because the skin was not alive and would not actually heal.
So they cut him down his cheek, and up to his ear, and all the way down into his eyelid, stretched the skin as much as they could to have it cover as much of the injury as possible, and stitched it like a triangle. Problem was, he had so much swelling and infection and fluid that they had to leave like a stoma … and we had to drain his head three times a day, clean out any scabs that formed, etc.
It was gross, and bad.
But we love him, like people do with their pets, so we did what we had to do. It was a week of trips to the vet every other day and finally, he could get his stitches out, we could let the stoma finally scab over, but he still had to wear his cone of shame for another 3 weeks until all the scabs healed entirely as to make sure he didn't rip it open.
So he is doing okay. He’s back to his normal self, and his eye is stretched back further than normal because of how they had to operate and use what skin they had access to, but he’s still my boy.
We’re not sure what attacked him – we think it might have been a hawk or eagle just based on the injuries and the fact we had an eagle stalking the property all summer, but who knows. It could have been anything.
2. To someone who is writing a debut book and does not have much to invest in editing/proofreading/marketing, what list of steps would you suggest in order to self-publish the book?
Ugh, ok, this is not such an easy question to answer being someone who … is lucky enough to be able to afford these types of things now. Um, because I really don’t know the answer. When I was a new author who couldn’t afford editing or marketing and covers … I basically put out lightly edited books (a friend did the editing for me) and did my own covers (which were horrible). I didn’t market except to post on my fan page and Goodreads.
Like I didn’t even start doing blog tours until I was into the Marcello books, really.
So even my answer for what I did isn’t the right answer – because there isn’t a right answer here. If your book is badly edited, some readers won’t mind … others will say that’s a hard line for them. If your cover isn’t professional, well, it’s often the first thing someone sees for your book. If you’re not marketing to get the book out there in front of people’s eyes, then how is someone going to see it to buy it, you know?
That’s what I mean by this is not easy to answer, and I honestly wish I knew what to tell you, but I don’t. I mean, contact your reader friends, and your author friends. Ask them if they will share your book – ask if they have a slot open in a newsletter to put your book in it. Ask if they would like a copy to read and review, if they like it. That’s word of mouth – that’s the best you can do for marketing if you don’t have any cash to drop on that sort of thing.
As for editing and proofing because those are not interchangeable, they are two entirely different things … a lot of people say to swap if you can’t afford it. To ask someone who you know is good with editing to edit your book, and in return, you do something for them.
Listen, I can’t say to do that.
I won’t, actually. Because I have never done it, and I can’t see myself doing it. But if that’s something you want to do, then that’s an option for you.
I hope I gave you some ideas. Sorry I don’t have more.
3. Are you and London Miller really best friends IRL like online too?
Ha, hi there.
So for the record, when I saw this question drop into the form, I actually sent it to London so she could see it, too.
For anyone who doesn’t know/realize, IRL means In Real Life … and the answer is yes, London and I are best friends, online and IRL. While we haven’t actually had the chance to meet yet in person (May is coming soon, London) we chat all day, every day. All night, usually, too. I annoy the fuck out of her with like thirty messages of just one or two words and the occasional emoji.
I know when she’s going thru shit – she knows when I’m ready to rip someone’s face off. We relate to each other on a professional level, and have a lot of respect for each other as artists. And as women, though we look like very opposite people on the surface, we have more in common than anyone knows. Which is probably why we took to one another.
That’s not to say we haven’t had our moments – we have. And we’re still good.
Like, find your tribe, people. That’s all I can say. And sometimes, your tribe might be a few people, sometimes it might be one person.
London is like the leader of my tribe, so to speak. She’s there – if there’s something I need, or if I need to talk about things I wouldn’t even tell my husband for whatever reason, she’s who I am going to.
So yeah, what you see if what you get.
You know if I like someone.
You’ll also know if I don’t like someone.
4. Non-author question: What's your favorite part about being a mother?
Oh, wow.
Hi there.
Um, the moments? Like, just the moments of their lives where I am actually right there and present and I KNOW that this is a pivotal moment for either them or me. Like my baby – he’s just at this stage where he’s almost walking as I’m writing this. Soon, he’s going to take those steps. He will be the last baby I ever have. He will be my last baby to walk for the first time. And that moment is big for him, but also for me emotionally.
Another one where I mean a MOMENT – would be like the day that I turned around and looked at my oldest son, Rohan, and realized … he no longer had dimples in his knuckles. He’d lost all that baby fat, and I didn’t even see it happening. He got taller. His fingers became longer. And I was staring at this soon to be a young man, still a boy, but not quite a child anymore, if you get what I mean.
And those moments … they’re like a second for me to think, oh, wow, look at what you did. Look at what you made, you know what I mean?
So yeah, those are my favorite parts of being a mom. Because as much as they sometimes hurt me emotionally, I also love them.
5. I'm in awe of people who can do something crazy to their hair like dye it a bright color or cut it all off after its been really long since forever. I'm scared to do that. Why did you do it to yours?
Aha, I love this question. Thanks for shooting it my way.
So, I was never actually one of those people. I kind of stuck to long hair and a dark brown or sometimes an ash blonde. Those were like my safe routes kind of thing, and I knew it would look good regardless. And then I passed like 25 years old a couple years back, and for some reason, it just didn’t interest me anymore.
And now when I feel like I’m just not up to it – something isn’t right, my life, my face, the sky … like I get in a mood, and when I say mood, I mean this is a WHOLE MOOD for me sometimes where nothing is feeling right to me. And when I feel that way, I usually do something crazy to upset my balance entirely.
The first time, I cut my hair off entirely to a pixie style. I hated it. My hubby hated it. I waited 3 years for it to grow back out.
And then when I felt like that again – I just … dyed it blue.
LOL.
I mean, this might not make sense to someone else, and that’s totally okay. You can be looking at this right now like “are you crazy?” I understand.
Because that’s how I feel in these moments.
Like nothing is right, so what does it even matter. When I need a change, I look in the mirror first and start there. That’s good advice for a lot of shit, by the way … you can’t change people or things a lot of the time, but you can always change the person you’re looking at in the mirror. Always start with yourself, and it doesn’t have to be physical. It can be a mental thing.
So yeah, that’s why I dyed my hair blue.
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